I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
