Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
