she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Randomize
