I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
