apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
