I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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