yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
