So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
