stop calling my apartment porn island.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
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