Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
