It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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