So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
