you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
