The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
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