I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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