Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Randomize
