You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
