So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
