yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
