I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
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