'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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