his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize