I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
