You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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