When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
