Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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