I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I have feelings that need drinking.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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