i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
