3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
