Got a toothbrush?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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