Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
