drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
