And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
