i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
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