What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
