My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
