All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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