Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
