Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
