The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
