I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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