I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
