dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
