Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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