someone threw a dead crab at me
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i barfeds in our rink
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
