Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
