I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
