trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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