i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
