yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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