Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
She bit a glass in half.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
