i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
