I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
now i know why i became what i already was.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I woke up under a house in Key West
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize