we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
time to smoke my breakfast
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Randomize