i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
