dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
