Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
