Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
