We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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