Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I didn't notice because vodka
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
