Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
