hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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