if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
