Swine flu. Run for my life!
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
My cat gives me a boner
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
