why didn't you poke me back
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
