dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
operation harelip BJ is a go
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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