Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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