Swine flu. Run for my life!
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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