So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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