You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
