Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
