The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
My liver is preforming stress tests.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
