apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
