matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
