Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
He has the fingertips of a God
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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