That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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