Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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